Friday, October 21, 2011
Hold your ears children, because this isn't a fairy tale.

Last night, Jason and I went outside and watched a movie in our Terrace Tropical Paradise. It was a good movie, rented from iTunes, but I had a little trouble concentrating. You see, there was a small flesh-colored lizard hanging from the ceiling...watching us. For the entire movie, it ran along the ceiling as if it were searching for a good lookout point.

I was creeped. Next to snakes, lizards are the most terrifying animals ever created.

Today was a little toasty. I stripped the boys down to underwear only for their nap, and came up to my bedroom to do some writing. But despite the fans, I was sweating in no time. Earlier, I'd left the door to our outside patio open to coax in a breeze, but after a half hour I gave up and decided to turn on the air conditioner.

Since the only air conditioner in our house is a window unit in our bedroom, I started closing all the doors.

And then it happened.

The tiny lizard ran past the closing door and jumped on my bed! It burrowed under the blankets and then lay still. Of course Jason is never home to deal with emergencies such as this (why oh why can this not happen on a Saturday?)

After several minutes of garbled whining, I mustered my courage and found a broom. Using the handle , I removed the covers from the bed.

No lizard.

More garbled whining.

Just when I had almost touched the blanket with my bare hand, the lizard ran at me like it was demon-possessed! I, of course, screeched and swung the broom, knocking it across the room several feet.

But did the lizard go politely outside? No sir. It took two more runs at me before I managed to herd it back to the wild. Now, it sits on the wall, watching me. I'd take a picture but my hands are still shaking. And to be honest, the picture isn't worth death by lizard.

I called Jason and babbled my hysterical story about the cannibal lizard. His only response? (other than rudely laughing) "It's not a cannibal if it's trying to eat you."

Thank you Captain Nerves of Steel. I grumbled something about it being easy to think clearly when you're safe behind a desk at work and hung up.


Josh said...


reptiles shops said...

Kinda funny, this read is such an ice breaker. Thanks


Lorenda said...

I foresee my father buying out the lizard-shaped fishing tackle at WalMart.

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